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Imposter Syndrome: Am I the Sus One?

Writer's picture: Aimee BloomAimee Bloom

Updated: Jan 23

Here we are again. The new year brings fresh opportunities, and the phrase "new year, new me" echoes as I sip my water and write this post. As I have done for the past few years, I've set professional goals in a Wakelet to focus on self-improvement. These goals often include earning micro-credentials, certifications, and personal achievements like participating in races and new fitness routines. One of my main goals this year is to write at least one post every other week for this blog. However, as with any newfound opportunities come anxiety and the fear of failure.


I've always loved writing and storytelling. As a child and young adult, I found joy in crafting stories and poems. I have a binder filled with awkward teenage poems about sadness, love, and friendship that I might someday share. I even ran a successful "mom" blog under a pen name to maintain my anonymity. But every time I set a goal to write for my "professional" blog or boost my social media presence, I freeze and end up not following through. What consistently hinders me from achieving these goals? A deep-seated feeling of inadequacy and a fear that I'm simply not as capable as my peers.


The question is—why do I consistently feel this way? Attending a women's leadership conference at my former job a few years ago was a turning point; during this event, I realized I grapple with imposter syndrome.

What is imposter syndrome? According to WebMD, which I often turn to for answers (even when it's just about a minor ache that leads me to believe I'm going to end up in imminent death), imposter syndrome is "when you doubt your own skills and successes. You feel you're not as talented or worthy as others believe, and you're scared that one day, people will realize that."


Discovering the concept of imposter syndrome was a revelation. Analyzing how my own insecurities aligned with this widely recognized phenomenon prompted me to research it further and actively work on changing my behavior. According to the National Library of Medicine, imposter syndrome is characterized by perfectionism, fear of failure/success, self-doubt regarding competence, unrealistic expectations, and a cyclical pattern of behavior.

This "Imposter Cycle," in which people either over-prepare or delay tasks out of fear of being revealed as a fraud, struck a chord with me. It also hinders individuals from fully recognizing or embracing their achievements.


I know I am not alone in feeling this way. As I sit down to write this blog post about imposter syndrome, I realize how it has paralyzed my professional and personal life. This feeling manifests in various ways, such as doubting my abilities when I'm asked to take on a task that I feel I am unprepared for or hesitating to share my knowledge confidently, leaving me with the feeling of self-doubt or that I may be accused of being a fraud myself.


Truth is, Imposter Syndrome is complex. I may come off as the most secure yet insecure person you've ever met. People who know me might wonder how I can wear a fun costume or speak boldly to defend a topic when I'm passionate about something. A close colleague in my Professional Learning Family (PLF) once told me she envied my seemingly carefree attitude and the fact that I didn't seem to worry about how others perceived me. She didn't understand the extent of my insecurity; I often felt inadequate and unworthy. This led me to retreat for years, hesitant to present or even attend conferences.


When I express my lack of confidence, people often seem confused because I can appear quite outgoing, but it ultimately boils down to self-belief. Sure, I can prepare thoroughly for a presentation or a TED-style talk, but on the inside, I crumble and constantly question myself and my ability. And remember what I mentioned earlier about the "Imposter Cycle?" I over-prepare for everything as I feel I am not skilled enough to be given the task in the first place. My own self-doubt and anxiety shuts down any feelings of my success. I constantly second-guess myself, rechecking and checking over my own work until I cannot see straight. This is not perfectionism. It is mental exhaustion.


NYSCATE "Professional" Headshot, 2023
NYSCATE "Professional" Headshot, 2023


So, what runs through my mind during these moments? It's not a straightforward path, and I can't pinpoint exactly what happens. For instance, a recent event stands out. A good friend, Laurie Guyon, invited me to co-author a book on EdTech coaching. Initially, I thought, "Wow, I have nearly 20 years of experience in this field." But then self-doubt crept in. I had shuffled between various roles and schools due to circumstances I often caused by taking risks, like my bright idea to open a school or the unfortunate reality of being employed at a school that closed. When faced with the opportunity to write this book, I couldn't help but think, "Am I really good enough? What makes my knowledge and experience measure up to someone with a more prominent name or a doctorate?"


Initially, my instinct was to hesitate and even decline the opportunity. I had a similar experience when I was first approached about becoming an assistant principal at a private Catholic school where I taught and managed the technology. It felt a lot like an uncomfortable dating situation.


To keep it brief, my principal casually mentioned to me and another colleague the idea of creating the assistant principal position, which had not existed before. Later, she spoke to me about this role and expressed disappointment that I didn't rise to the occasion. I doubted my abilities and wasn't interested in the position then. However, she recognized potential in me that I didn't see in myself—the ability to lead.


After turning her down several times, I eventually accepted the role, primarily to appease her and make her stop asking me.


I recognize why she wanted me to assume the assistant principal position, and reflecting on this has enabled me to manage my emotions and help me somewhat silence some future feelings of self-doubt. Most importantly, it allowed me to come to the realization of when "imposter syndrome" seems to be a little less intense. Allow me to explain:


Several months before she asked me, the Diocese of Buffalo announced plans to close several Catholic schools in Western New York. Having experienced this situation before, I witnessed the hardships families faced when a school that had been part of their community for generations closed its doors, forcing them to find a new "school family." Although I attended public school, I respected and sympathized with the feelings of those families.


At the last moment, we learned that the school I was employed at would remain open while several surrounding Catholic schools were scheduled to close. Understanding the difficulties families would endure during this transition, I felt a strong motivation to help our school become a new "home" for them. I began working diligently on this goal.


I didn't ask for permission; I did what I believed was best. With the art teacher as a confidant, we revamped enrollment forms, created advertisements for the local news, taught students how to give tours to prospective families, updated our website, cold-called parents, and much more.


As a result, we doubled our enrollment.


What gave me the confidence to take on this endeavor? It was because I wasn't in the spotlight and felt no pressure regarding success or failure. My actions stemmed from a desire to help, and I was focused on being selfless.


Amazingly, when I am doing a selfless act or am more focused on making people around me laugh, I am at ease with myself.

So, where does my self-doubt stem from? I personally believe that imposter syndrome is a collection of engraved, life-long experiences that have shaped you this way. I know that a lot of my personal struggles and self-doubt stem from an unstable childhood nurtured by an equally unsupportive educational system. For the sake of this post, which is about professional, not personal, circumstances, as well as being educational, I will focus on the latter.


As a child, I struggled in school. I was placed in remedial classes, given additional time on tests, in and out of detention, and, occasionally, in-school and once (just one instance) out-of-school suspension. I was unpredictable because some teachers loved me and thought the world of me, and others despised having me in their classrooms. I felt inadequate then. And stupid.


To illustrate how I once felt inadequate about something, but later realized that if my learning preferences had been supported instead of criticized, I might have gained more self-confidence. I faced considerable challenges with math during my early school years. The teaching methods made it extremely hard for me to learn; it was like listening to Charlie Brown's teacher in class. I couldn't understand the way math was taught, and as for fractions, they were out of the question.


Fast forward to one of my first jobs, where I held multiple positions, including custom framer. At just 17 years old, I was taking customer orders, and you know what a large component of that job was? Measuring. And even more challenging—fractions, especially when dealing with multiple openings in a double-matted picture frame. Guess who excelled in that position? Me. Why? Because I sketched everything out to visualize my math. My accuracy was impressive, and I was "annoyingly" (according to the full-time custom framers) the best salesperson as well.


I could do math, even fractions, as long as I could approach it in my own way. It might have been unconventional and taken longer, but I got there. Testing, however, was—and still is—a constant struggle. I'm a different kind of learner. But school didn't validate that difference; it made me believe I was simply not smart.


While this story offers a glimmer of validation, it doesn't erase the deep-seated self-doubt instilled by those early experiences, as to which I believe is just one component of my ongoing struggle with imposter syndrome.


Oddly enough, my struggle isn't with fearing failure; it's the fear of success and the expectation that comes with it. This leads to a constant internal debate: "Am I good enough?" and the unsettling follow-up: "If I am perceived as successful, will I be exposed as a fraud?"

This constant self-questioning, this internal struggle with the "Am I good enough?" mantra, takes a significant toll. It's more than just fleeting doubt; it becomes a pervasive feeling of inadequacy that seeps into every aspect of life. For me, this has manifested in a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud, a fear that has profoundly shaped my journey.


My exploration of imposter syndrome is deeply personal, yet I hope it resonates with many of you. This persistent feeling of inadequacy—the fear of being exposed—has shaped both my professional and personal life, from childhood struggles in the classroom to navigating new career paths. This "Imposter Cycle" of over-preparing has often robbed me of the joy of fully owning my successes.


But recognizing this pattern is the first step towards breaking free from it. Understanding the roots of these feelings, whether they stem from past experiences or internal anxieties, is crucial for moving forward. While I don't have all the answers, and this is an ongoing journey for me, I've learned that focusing on selfless acts and the desire to help others can often quiet the self-doubt. It's in those moments of genuine connection and contribution that I feel most at ease with myself.


This year, as I strive to achieve my goals – including consistently writing for this blog – I'm committed to challenging those self-limiting beliefs. I'm choosing to acknowledge my accomplishments, to embrace the challenges, and to silence the inner critic that whispers, "Am I good enough?" Because the truth is, we are good enough. We all have unique talents and experiences to offer, and it's time to stop letting imposter syndrome hold us back from sharing them with the world. I encourage you to do the same. If you've ever felt these feelings, know that you are not alone. Let's work together to break the cycle and embrace our true potential.

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2 Comments


roxy946
Feb 05

Amiee, not only was this a well written piece that pulls the reader into your experience and helps us understand your struggle, but I find resemblances of my own story in it at the same time. Thank you for having the courage to write about this. You are amazing!

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Mathias K
Mathias K
Jan 27

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. There’s a quiet bravery in putting into words what so many of us feel but rarely express. It’s fascinating how, as you write about the fear of success—or the fear of not being successful. You’re living it in real time.


I wouldn’t say I experience imposter syndrome fully, but I do recognize pieces of it in my own thoughts. At the start of 2023, I made a radical decision. No more goals. I decided to simply do what feels right. And in doing so, I discovered something profound. When it feels right, it is right.


Of course, it didn’t take long for that persistent inner voice to surface: "But if you do this, how will you…


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